World Mental Health Day ramblings

It’s World Mental Health Awareness today. Given the way I’ve been feeling this week, it couldn’t be more appropriate. Still, the fact that I feel like crying sometimes confirms that I am actually registering emotions, or at least starting to.

College started fine, until this week when we were confronted with loads of network theory and two tasks due next week. Not only is my brain already starting to shut down, I have the feeling it’s triggered another relapse, or at least threatening to.

It’s Wednesday, which means 2 hours of Network Management and a 3 hour break before cooking college Xtra. I should be doing some work, but instead I’m sitting in Subway feeling crap. This offer I had of chatting with Student Support couldn’t have come at a better time, especially since therapy got cancelled this week. Instead I’ve been distracting myself with the task of future-proofing my bits of technology with the back-pay I got from the council (finally!). I know not to go mad with it – found some good bargains on ebay – and there’s also the matter of setting aside £90 for this DRO fee. Sooner that happens, sooner I’ll have a bit more cash in my pocket and a big load lifted from my shoulders. Meanwhile I have a GIC appointment tomorrow, hopefully to get lower surgery moving.

One good use of this cash will be to visit K, finally. It serves also as a weekend retreat since it’s right out in the sticks, plus it’ll be great to see her again. We’ve been seeing each other for about 9-10 months now – the longest I’d gone before was 4 months, although I was a very different person then. I’m still a long way from being fixed, but it goes to show how much better I’m doing where it counts. It just doesn’t always feel like it.

I have a tablet PC on the way. I got it mainly as an e-reader that’ll let me do other stuff, which should include keeping a journal, as well as taking notes in college. I just seem to work better with technology than paper – my paperwork is all over the place, which doesn’t help my state of mind. I’m hoping the tablet will help bring some order into my life, in some ways at least.

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